I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
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