he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
