CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
