You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I want to be your penis for a week.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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