A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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