Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Randomize
