How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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