You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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