I wish my penis had an off switch
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
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