okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
