This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
