Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
the day after is always just damage control
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
