You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
