um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
