I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Randomize
