I cannot find my penis.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
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