My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
The struggles of a small town man whore
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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