and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
