you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
