i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
