I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
