Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
