i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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