Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
