I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
