I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
