we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
