hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I didn't notice because vodka
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
