So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
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