True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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