he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
