when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
