using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
