Moan for me like Helen Keller
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
