waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
