my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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