we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Randomize
