Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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