i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
