I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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