How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
