so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
