this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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