goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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