Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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