i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
