DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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