i think i have herpe
just one?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
