Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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