So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
false alarm. still invincible.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
How does one acquire holy water?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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