I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize
