im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
